I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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