I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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