Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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