I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
