Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
