there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
