the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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