I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
