Moan for me like Helen Keller
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
