Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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