so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment