And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
