WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.