Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home