Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.