I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
