one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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