I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
