last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
