after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
