dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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