I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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