You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
