Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
