dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
