i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
