you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
