How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
