God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
