She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
