fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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