I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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