Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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