his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
