Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
