Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
