We're facebook friends in real life
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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