no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
