How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
