You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
