you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
