Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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