That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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