a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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