My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
