Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
