Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
