Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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