like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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