Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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