When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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