I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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