We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
