exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
