Sponge bath it is.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
