I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
