she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
