somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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