he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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