She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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