so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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