my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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