God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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