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I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
