Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
