im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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