Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
