I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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