I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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