guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
