Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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