I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
