you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
