Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
