i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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