Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
