the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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