mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
