How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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