Sorry, I don't speak sober.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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