U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
