The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could fuck to npr.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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