And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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