is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my being single is dangerous.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
