I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
