She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
