cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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