i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
