Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
